It's been awhile since I've done any journaling. Writing helps me see where I am, where I've been and where I'm going. I haven't been getting much of anywhere lately. In fact, it feels a little like sliding backwards...I've been asking often recently, "am I being tested?" If so, I'm not scoring so well. I'm not Job. Sometimes it feels like I'm going insane, like I can't hold up under the pressure. Except - laugh with me now - I am holding up. By a thread woven and held by the hand of God.
A friend was out of work for about six months a couple months ago. They were on the brink of losing their home and had cut out many unnecessary expenses. Then he landed what appeared to be his dream job. All was well. Until a few days ago when he was laid off.
A few months ago, another friend suddenly lost her husband for no apparent reason - he just keeled over and died at the ripe young age of forty-something.
Last year a friend's mother who was in her sixties went beserk. She left home, went on an insane spending spree, stayed in hotels, ate in restaurants, maxed out all her credit cards and nearly bankrupt her husband. Then she died suddenly.
I could go on and on with a list of seemingly senseless tragedies occurring within the Christian community. Are we being tested? How are we doing?
Let's look at Biblical history. Throughout the Old Testament, we see Israel tested again and again. Job was tested. In Luke 8, Jesus talked about the parable of the sower as He told the people to expect their new faith to be tested. Paul warns in Hebrews 3 not to have hardened hearts during testing as the Israelites did in the time of Moses. And James said, "...the testing of your faith develops perseverance." (James 1:3)
James gives us a reason. God tests our faith to develop perseverence.
But why?
Good question. I've come to believe that we need to go to heaven for the answer. We need to look to the time before man was even created. Consider the one who spoiled it all for us.
Lucifer, the bright and beautiful, the beloved of God, angel among angels, brilliant among all the heavenly host. So brilliant in fact, it went to his head. He suddenly found himself admired among his peers and desiring to be worshipped as he had always worshipped God. He aspired to be more beloved than God. It was his last desire before he was cast out of heaven. He got a new job - tormenting us and trying to lead us away from God.
For these times when reason doesn't make sense to me, I can only trust that it makes sense to God, that He's in control and that in the end, all will be well. When reason fails, God never does.
Ps 33:4
4 For the word of the LORD holds true,and everything he does is worthy of our trust.
Lord I submit all my fears and doubts, confusion and hurt, to the foot of the cross. All my trust is in you. Thank You for always giving us the grace to stumble and fumble our way through life, always there to pick us up and set us straight again. In Jesus' name, amen.
